What They Don't Tell Young Women About Sex

This is one of those articles I almost did not write. Then I remembered who I am writing for, and I wrote it anyway. If you are a young woman, or the mother of one, please read to the end.

In the UK and across much of the world, rates of sexually transmitted infections in young women have been rising for years. Chlamydia. Gonorrhoea. HPV. Genital herpes. Mycoplasma genitalium. Most of them are silent in the people carrying them, and most of those people are men.

That last part matters. A male partner can carry chlamydia, gonorrhoea or HPV for months or years without a single symptom. He does not know. He is not lying. He is simply unaware. He passes it on. And the woman who receives it pays a different price.

Untreated chlamydia in women can scar the fallopian tubes and lead to infertility. HPV is the cause of nearly all cervical cancers. Pelvic inflammatory disease, often from missed STIs, is one of the leading causes of chronic pelvic pain and ectopic pregnancy. The biology is not equal. Women carry the longer-term consequences of casual sex, almost always.

I am not writing this to frighten you. I am writing this because the conversation our culture has handed our daughters is not honest enough to be useful. 'Use a condom' is necessary and good, but it is not the whole story. Condoms do not protect against HPV or herpes from skin-to-skin contact. They are not always used. They are not always used correctly.

Here is the quiet, grown-up version. The fewer sexual partners you have in your life, the lower your statistical risk of all of this. Choosing who you sleep with carefully is not prudish. It is biological literacy. Abstinence from casual hook-ups is not unfashionable. It is one of the most empowering choices a young woman can make in a culture that pretends otherwise.

If you are sexually active, get tested. Annually if you are with one partner. Every time you change partner, before unprotected sex. Both of you. Together. It is not unromantic. It is what an adult does.

And if you are a mother reading this, the conversation does not have to be one big terrifying lecture. It can be one quiet, ongoing exchange over many years. Books left on the dining table. A walk together. A long car journey. An open door. Your daughter is listening, even when she pretends she is not.